@VonMattie Profile picture

Mattie Briggs

@VonMattie

Every time I try to define a perfectly stable person, I am appalled by the dullness of that person. -J. D. Griffin

Joined March 2015
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If you don't know your own worth and value, do not expect someone else to calculate it for you.


Police Station Toilet Stolen... Cops have nothing to go on.


Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.


What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? Mmm. Canapes.


Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.


Never call a girl fat, ugly, or worthless. They will never forget that.


Q: What is the difference between an attorney and a pit bull? A: Jewelry.


Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music.


Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.


Remember when you cared? I miss that


What's the witches favourite pop group? Broomski Beat!


What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster? One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!


Ref: I'm sending you off Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!


Redneck Vocabulary: Spearmint - Something scientist do.


Sometimes, I wanna go to my future to make sure you're in it.


I still care about you, but obviously i mean shit to you.


Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time!


What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.


Troilism is the erotic interest in watching one's romantic partner engage in sexual behavior with a 3rd party


Gymnasiums were introduced in 900BC and Greek athletes practised in the nude to the accompaniment of music.


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