@UnstructuredCap Profile picture

UnstructuredCap

@UnstructuredCap

https://t.co/VOJ7ATyFvG

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Pinned

What if we kissed under the EBITDA bridge


UnstructuredCap Reposted

Option A: Investment banking director at Barclays w $0 bonus Option B: illegal immigrant in NYC w $10k bonus

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Written diligence responses are often better than verbal ones

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*staring at a $350 NYC sushi bill for 2 people last night* “That’s actually that bad at all”


Telling my CIO we shouldn’t do the deal because it’s scaring the hoes


Tweeting today’s meme per @bottombucketaf request

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There is no easier way to identify a hardo more than having “ex-Google”, “ex-McKinsey”, “ex-Goldman”, etc in your linkedIn profile. If you do that you suck so much


In order to relate to Gen Z, we should rename the initial screening call “Smash Or Pass”


Waiting for answers to diligence after being forced to submit a question list ASAP

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I always see sponsors asking for a pricing step down when they should be stepping UP to help make their lenders’ diligence processes go as smoothly as possible


Nothing more satisfying than seeing a “strategic corporate initiative” go down in flames. Could be an overcomplicated excel template, poorly organized internship program, or virtue signaling ESG program. Just proof that our jobs are not nearly as important as we like to think


The funniest part of the buyside is we’d much rather try to read IC’s minds rather than think for ourselves lmao It’s always “If we present it that way, they’re gonna say…” or “yeah well he’ll point to that and ask why it doesn’t tie to the earlier slide”


Sometimes IC members are such unreasonable dickheads that you just have to respect it


Most of the time coworkers hype up some senior leader as an absolute legend, they’re the absolute most curmudgeon swagless boomer ever


One of the cooler terms in finance to say is “cashless roll” - it sounds like a basketball play you draw up with one second on the clock to get the ball to your best shooter


Having to go into the office today is armageddon


You don’t work in finance unless you get a pit in your stomach every time you see an email that starts with “FW:”


The amount of good deals out there currently reminds me of the amount of women in San Francisco: not very many and surrounded by competition


I love writing the executive summary to my deals. I be using words like “moreover” and “thereafter”, just concluding my ass off

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