United Airlines North America - Parody
@UnitedAirlines_This is the United Airlines Parody account.
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@FedExForum
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@QhacerLasPalmas
WE HAVE ARRIVED
Wheels falling off wasn't a huge deal - everyone lived. Landing gear collapsing - again, we're good on the no fatalities thing Scott. The gorilla complaint we've escalated to Customer Service, and should have feedback for you in the next 4-7 weeks. Thank you for flying United
@UnitedAirlines_ is quite literally the worst airline on earth. Wheels falling off, landing gear collapsing, using gorillas as baggage handlers - you have to be insane to ever fly with these creeps.
We're back, bitches! Hang on, turbulence ahead!!
Pretty bummed this account is no longer active. I’ve been on hold for 4 HOURS trying to get my stranded daughter home and could use a little humor at @United’s expense.
We place crews that misbehave in time-out so they can calm down. In this case, a stewardess hit a passenger with a plastic spoon.
@UnitedAirlines_ a five-hour delay to Orlando last Friday and a six-hour delay to DC today, both because you had crews “time out?” Other airlines don’t have these problems. You’ve got to be better than this. When did your proud brand become so synonymous with incompetence?
Sadly, Z has succumbed to irritable bowel syndrome. May he rest in peace.
This did not age well. #Omicron
US shpuld eliminate negative test for emtry by air for those who get boosted. Not only is their risk low (and those that have recently recovered from Covid are exempt already) but the public health benefit of encouraging boosters would *far* outweigh any risk.
Wait until we tell you what kind of fluid 😱😱
US shpuld eliminate negative test for emtry by air for those who get boosted. Not only is their risk low (and those that have recently recovered from Covid are exempt already) but the public health benefit of encouraging boosters would *far* outweigh any risk.
We’re super flexible with the whole name and ID thing, so anything close should be fine.
Touching down ‘there’ at your vacation destination.
Name a better feeling than touching down at your vacation destination. We'll wait.
We are sending Wayne a free subscription to @Spotify Try the Eagles’ early albums, they are great.
Have you tried their Twitter account?
Name a better feeling than touching down at your vacation destination. We'll wait.
Shrinkage?
Seinfeld theory of startups: If there's a Seinfeld episode about a life inconvenience/inefficiency, it's both universal enough and frustrating enough that it should be solved with a startup
But good for preventing dead people.
The Virgin Islands. Wait, is that creepy or spooky?
Tell us where you're going next, but make it spooky. We'll go first: Boo York 👻
Cate, you left your OnlyFans account open on this iPad!!
@UnitedAirlines_ I left my iPad on flight UA1185 seat 51L …Can you help me retrieve it?
Attention @SouthwestAir Pilots: We encourage you to apply for a job at United so that we can also fire you.
This is how we get rid of our low IQ employees.
United Airlines fires hundreds of unvaccinated employees. The airline said it has begun terminating up to 593 employees who failed to comply with the company vaccine mandate. At least 7 staffers already filing lawsuits in response. @ABC7Chicago #UnitedAirlines @UnitedAirlines_
Southwest pulls that crap all the time. You’re welcome, Melissa.
Never been happier to be on a plane. Thank you @UnitedAirlines_ Lindsey in customer service for your assistance getting me on a standby flight when my @SouthwestAir flight and hundreds of others were suddenly canceled and lines for miles. Can’t wait to see my kids.
$UAL stock gonna plunge tomorrow.
I am officially moving my business off of @Delta & @UnitedAirlines_ and onto @AmericanAir just based on this stance! BTW - prior to #covid I did 75-100k miles on each airline annually.
Bags fly free on the tar mat!
I am officially moving my business off of @Delta & @UnitedAirlines_ and onto @AmericanAir just based on this stance! BTW - prior to #covid I did 75-100k miles on each airline annually.
It’s probably booked. Just show up the day of your flight and you should be fine.
Hey @UnitedAirlines_ how much longer to confirm my reservation? it was supposedly to be fixed in 24 hours. You don't even have chat anymore and you force customers to call and it takes easily more than an hour to get someone on the phone. Really bad experience
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Who to follow
-
The Portugal News
@theportugalnews -
Ryanair España
@Ryanair_ES -
The Football Hub
@TheFootbaIlHub -
Correos
@Correos -
China Southern Airlines
@CSAIRGlobal -
Margaritaville
@Margaritaville -
OMC en español
@OMC_es -
Grupo Armas Trasmediterránea
@_GrupoAT -
Air France ES
@AirFranceES -
Bangor University
@BangorUni -
FlyPDX
@flypdx -
Puertos del Estado
@PuertosEstado -
FedExForum
@FedExForum -
Molson Coors Beverage Company
@MolsonCoors -
Qué hacer Las Palmas
@QhacerLasPalmas
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