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I haven’t ever seen anyone take as big of shit as the saints just did. #pray4neworleans
<calls radio station> Me: I’d like to dedicate that song “wake me up before you go go” RS: Great! Who is the lucky lady? Me: My bladder. RS: ........ Me: HELLO?!?
Surprising fact poop joke aren’t my favorite but that are my number two!
Good morning world! No get the fuck out of my way need to take a shit
We have smart homes but when are we going to start including the toilet into them
Sitting on the toilet watching the CFP halftime show and lil Wayne looks like a cross between the hamburgler and my grandma
How often do you put a tampon in your butt to stop leakage? Be honest...
Recapping the NFL games this weekend from the toilet this morning who shat the bed more Seahawks or Bears?
Life happens between your search for the next toilet to sit on
Greatest hype song before pinching one off to the porcelain king.... ready go
What’s the craziest thing to happen to you on the toilet? How gross is #turdtweetinnation
Missing my Starbucks, my bathroom stop has been push back an hour because this weak ass home coffee
I have the house all to myself. Yet I am sitting in my tiny bathroom. Best room in the house.
If you found a floppy disc with a bank number to get $25,000 do you have anyway to get that info around you? #toiletthoughts
It’s gems like these that you find when you sit on the shitter in the middle of the night.
Just bought some smelling salts you think they work on being constipated like they do on concussions
Every time I walk into my bathroom I stare at my toilet just to make sure it still knows I’m the alpha
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