DONALD J. TRUMPier
@Trumptweets2020I may be a convicted felon & sex offender with dementia, but I have more followers than Lincoln! (parody,kind of)
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DAMN polls keep showing #Kamala pulling ahead while I’m using me leading polls as my excuse not to debate her! Need a NEW strategy! Ouch! My bone spurs have been activated by my severed ear! Can’t debate! #ChickenTrump #TrumpIsWeird #TrumpCult #Trump #QOP
Many people don’t know this, but all of our greatest Founding Fathers were orange! Abe Lincoln, Jesus, Howdy Doody, all orange! And they ALL ducked out of a debating a woman! #TrumpIsChicken #TrumpCult #TrumpIsWeird #Trump
Fake news! Didn’t even mention my riot at the Capitol, my fraudulent kids cancer charity & Trump University, burying my ex-wife on my golf course for the tax write-off, & my repeatedly saying I would date my daughter if I could! Plus, I MAY have fathered both Donny Jr & Eric!
So UNFAIR! I want to debate #Kamala but, um, my ear is still hurting me! Yeah, that’s right, my ear!
So NASTY! Never gonna forgive Donny Jr for convincing me to pick this eyelinered LOSER!
So UNFAIR that on my wife Melatonin’s birthday I have to be in this chilly courthouse instead of spending quality time with her as I really do all the time, really! That’s why I protested this injustice yesterday by golfing instead of being with my wife Melons! I did it for YOU!
So MEAN & UNFAIR for people to make FUN of me for falling asleep & FARTING during my trial! Many people say I have the best farts. I’ve had grown men come up to me crying, saying “Sir, it’s been a PRIVILEGE to smell your farts in the courtroom!” #TrumpFarts #TrumpSmells
A GREAT excerpt from my new #TrumpBible (only $60, all proceeds going to my favorite religious charity, me): “God spoketh to Donald, saying “Go have sex with that porn star,you deserve it! And pay her hush money to keep her quiet. Not like you’re gonna get caught or anything!”
Facts, schmacts! When I was the greatest President ever, there was no crime, gas was 43 cents a gallon, prices didn’t go up, no one crossed the border, and no one died! COVID never happened. Jan 6 was a gender reveal party! I weigh 187 pounds. My farts smell like potpourri!
No matter what the HATERS say, if you love America, you should send me every dollar you have, right now. It’s what Jesus would do.
It’s comical to see TrumpCulters claim that the economy & inflation are hurting them financially, then turn around & send their money to bail out #Trump, a fake-billionaire con-man rapist dictator-wannabe.
So NASTY to me! But if you send me at least $25,000, all will be forgiven. I’ll even give you a PARDON if you start an insurrection. Or submit fraudulent financial statements. Or commit a sexual assault. Visit PawnshopPutin.com
Remember when #Trump’s biggest brag was that he was a billionaire who’d self-fund his campaign & couldn’t be bought? Instead he’s never spent a penny of his own, bilked taxpayers for millions as President & spends every day begging suckers for cash like a disgraced TV evangelist
WOW! The evil attorney general & special counsel keep INDICTING me just because I committed CRIMES! UNFAIR! If I’d known an ex-President could be prosecuted for breaking the law I would’ve made Don Jr commit those crimes for me! #Trump #TrumpCult #QOP #FascistOrangeSewerGnome
They’ll NEVER convict me with my new defense strategy! We’ll argue that when I was taped saying I was showing off classified top-secret military documents,I was LYING! Because EVERYONE knows I’m a big,fat,orange-toned,bone-spurred LIAR! My defense rests! #TrumpArrested #TrumpCult
Does anyone know if #Russia has an extradition agreement with the US? Asking for a friend #TrumpArraignment #TrumpForPrison2024 #TrumpCrimeFamily #TrumpCult #TrumpLoser #Trump #QOP
Hey, anybody wanna be my lawyer? You’ll probably never get paid, but you can have all the Big Macs & Diet Coke I don’t finish! Must be willing to believe every word I say, & when I spank you say “Thank you Sir, may I have another!” #TrumpForPrison2024 #TrumpIndictment #TrumpCult
Just read the released indictment against me & all the evidence & witnesses backing it up. Just one question: do you think an orange jumpsuit will make me look fat? #TrumpIndictments #TrumpForPrison2024 #TrumpCult #TrumpLoser #Trump #MAGACult #MAGAMoron
So UNFAIR that prosecutors are saying things I said at my BEAUTIFUL #CNN Town Hall can now be used as evidence against me! Those statements will NEVER hold up in court! They were clearly made by a deranged, Adderall-crazed MORON who LIES all the time! #TrumpIsAnOrangeSewerGnome
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