Parker Griffin
@ParkerFordGI go to CWRU | He/Him Occasional Op-Ed writer for the Peoria Journal Star
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*Saw voice* I replaced every spoon in your house with grapefruit spoons. If you want to escape you must eat this entire bowl of soup
this is so crazy the town siren went off at 1 instead of 12 they forgot to spring forward
The woman next to me on my flight watched Black Adam while holding her phone vertically the whole time. Which means I spent the whole time trying to discreetly watch a tiny Black Adam with no sound
Nobody at the airport knows how brave I'm being by drinking black coffee
Gas stations could make gummy worms as expensive as they want and I'd still buy them. My demand is inelastic
Another 2 billion and we'll have a TRILLION people on Earth?
west coast people think they’re soooo cool when they‘ve never even been culverized
i wish i had a secret dentist who would clean my teeth before i went to my real dentist so my real dentist can give me the approval and validation i so desperately crave
I drove so poorly today it made my girlfriend cry for an hour straight
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