Ned Petrie
@NedPetrieToronto Comedian and Enthusiast. @Doomlands | Ollie's Pack | Doomsday Bros | Gary & His Demons | Cyberchase | @BiteOnMondo | @CBCComedy | @TheBeaverton |
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And you chumps were telling me it was time to give my dead salmon hat to Goodwill.
PARK RANGERS TALKING TO THE FAMILY OF THE MISSING HIKER: 'The bad news is we never found your husband. But on the bright side...'
It's a simple question, yet none of the so-called "experts" can give us a straight answer
HR Giger came up with all the Alien designs, but I was the one that said they should be covered in goo
This explains why my grandpa always said he stopped drinking wine "when they took the people out and ruined the flavor".
'Well, you seem dedicated and your resume says you have music industry experience. One last question before we make an offer: Can you promise not to murder her?' '...' 'Did you hear the question?' 'I did. I just...well, *promise* is a strong word...'
(On the phone with the logo designer) 'I hate to keep going back and forth on this, but the pierogi still isn't terrified enough. We don't want to see any relief on his face. Like, he wins - but the knife and fork don't care about the race. As soon as they catch up, he's DEAD.'
On behalf of the nation's kooks, I'm withholding my endorsement until we know the worm's position on wokeness
ME, WATCHING A DISS TRACK BATTLE FROM THE OUTSIDE: Haha. Hell yeah! Everything about this great! ME, IF SOMEONE EVER MADE A DISS TRACK ABOUT ME: 😞
Back in my day, "quitting" meant something different than "doing the tasks of a given job to the expected standards"
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