Matt Feevish
@MattFeevish\tweets based on a true story 🥤 just chirpin/ a factory of fun, everything is right off the melon 🍉
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there shouldnt be a speed limit after midnight. the babies are asleep let the big boys run
Every time I’m at Walmart I see someone in the parking lot that looks like they used to eat wood chips and have pet frogs they let leap around their home like reptile roommates
This is my JFK
Here we are... the edible mascot in the Pop-Tarts Bowl..
This just sounds like Tim Robinson season 4 leak
waitress: would you like ranch or blue cheese with that me: does it even fucking matter
waitress: would you like ranch or blue cheese with that me: does it even fucking matter
when u feel yo car swerve a lil in da rain so u gotta lock in
Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash are the condiments of showering and we are the hot dogs and hamburgers.
apparently I’m “too old” and “too intoxicated” to sit on santas lap this year
Hitting the Irish goodbye on my wife and kids at the zoo
I miss when it was friday and saturday
This is how Project X should have ended
I’m thinking about how a hot dog would be a good glove for a screw driver
it probably feels good as fuck to be a penguin and go down an icy hill on your tummy
This how bouls with heelies think they looked in grade school
If I could do this I would literally do it everywhere, all the time. Pop slide into meetings at work. Pop slide into my seat at dinner. Pop slide up to the bar to order drinks.
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