Tfw
@JustLifesThingsProcessed memes at affordable prices, and some relatable tweets
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Me: I'm gonna enjoy this pair of red pants Period: Aha! I'm gonna... wait what have you done? I have no power here... Me: 😎
If a bitch tries to cancel plans with me then they're gonna have to pay a cancellation fee for all the makeup I just wasted.
If you're 'busy' don't open the message and let me see that you've read it until you're ready to respond
Pilot: And if you look to your left you will see water, and if you look to your right you will also see water. It appears we have crashed.
Random girl at work: Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month tehehe 😊 Me: If you touch me I will bite off your fingers
Some cute boy: I don't care about looks! I just want someone who's beautiful on the inside! Me: Hi Cute boy:
*watches movie* Oh wow this movie was really good! *looks up movie reviews* Ok, apparently I don't know shit about which movies are good
I'm sorry but Australia has got to be the number one breeding ground for beautiful people
Manager: I'm going for a smoke, you're in charge while I'm gone Me:
Go away other storylines that distract me from the 1-2 character plots I'm deeply involved with You are taking half of my 40 minute episodes
I manage eye contact because people always assume I'm looking at their eyes, when actually I'm staring at their eyebrows
My brain definitely functions different to other humans. One moment I'm watching netflix and the next brownies brownies brownies browni
Being an adult is realising you can just eat the top of the cheesecake and throw the rest out and nobody can stop you
Told my momma today when I die I was gonna come back as a centipede. Never have I seen so much shame on a woman's face
I'm so crazy. Some of the things I say make me want to remove my own brain. And seriously think about that. My brain told me to write that.
You know everyday I look in the mirror and I say to myself "Thank god you're reeeally funny."
Scientists have a lot to discover but have you ever thought about how much food or how many pizza toppings haven't been discovered yet??
Can someone please explain how i'm supposed to get fake eyelash glue off my eyes without ripping out half my eyelashes???
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