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A depressing realization I just had is that as an adult Bugles don’t fit on my fingers anymore
Crazy how trash bags come in boxes but when the box becomes empty it goes in one of those trash bags
My biggest fear is someone breaking into my house immediately after I farted
Cuz I just opened another one that lied to me with a straight face
As a bartender it’s mind blowing that I’m here stirring a chocolate milk for a grown ass mf
Am I the only one that starves myself all day on thanksgiving until dinner time?
Why am I supposed to tip a guy handing me paper towels in the club bathroom?
Showed my boy a twerk video earlier and he was so mesmerized by it he knocked his beer over and caused a scene. Then proceeded to blame me out of sheer embarrassment as if it was my fault he couldn’t handle the cheek claps smh
You ever met a girl so fine she makes you wanna go out and buy a waffle iron so you can make waffles for her to shit on?
Sometimes it deadass takes me a whole 7-10 minutes to send a text cuz I can’t find a certain emoji
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