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🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux

@JonKanuch

This is my naughty Twitter. 🤫 Toilet humour, puns and double-entendres aplenty. Rated M for Maple Syrup. NSFW, 21+ 🍁 French Canadians do it better.

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Pinned

In Canadian porn, it's not the pizza delivery guy that gets jumped by the horny housewife. It's the helpful neighbour with the snowblower.


If you play with it too much, you’ll go blind. #EvenBiggerLies


Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the same size they were 20 years ago. #EvenBiggerLies


I’m not big on make-up sex… I can never seem to find the right shade of lipstick.


My emotional support animal is a beaver… maybe yours.


Coming to a pop-up clinic near you… Pumpkin SpiceVax!


I have plenty of fucks to give… but, married.


Spitting is gauche. That’s French for “choke it down”.


So do I have to date a man to get the vaccine, or does a vaccine womandate work too?


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Who needs a weighted blanket when my depression is as heavy as fuck


Up your sock and lotion game with compression socks.


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Flashing your moobs won’t get you out of a speeding ticket. I know this now.


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Crapping all over politicians is a civic doody.


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Inadvertently downloading the Twitter app instead of Tinder is why I finally broke down and got reading glasses.


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Hey, guuurrrl! You a black hole? ‘Cause I’m feeling a gravitational pull. - Astrophysicists flirting


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

Always wear safety chaps when manscaping with a chainsaw.


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

#Elxn44 Pandemic Voting Guide for Ontario parents: 🔲 CPC 🔲 GPC ☑️ LCBO 🔲 LPC 🔲 NDP 🔲 PPC


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

If the pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that it’s a slippery slope between Chips Ahoy! and Chunks Ahoy!


🇨🇦 Depressed Lumberjack™️, Part Deux Reposted

“I’d tap that.” - Me, to a maple tree.


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