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I'm so ugly its like god was playing the sims and he clicked the randomize button"
Doctor: "Ok, so what can I do for you today?" Me: *Looks over at mom waiting for her to explain*
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It's water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Slutty girl: ugh my throat really hurts. Me: I bet your knees do too. Her: what Me: what.
When you stretch, and your inner porn star moan accidentally comes out.
"swearing is unattractive" i’m not attractive anyway so fuck off
Niggas Be Like, "I Need A Female That's Lightskin , Long Hair, Big Booty & Tatted" Nigga, THIS AIN'T BUILD-A-BITCH WORKSHOP!! 🙅" @laliloNM
"Do not touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, it's not a wePhone, it's not an ourPhone, it's an iPhone." Definitely u candz @444Candi
"@CraveMyThoughts: I wanted to text you, but then I remembered we don't talk anymore."
"You must love her on her bad days when she is moody and irritated, just as much as you love her when everything is going well." @laliloNM
"@Nightlifefails: ''HOO, you got the wrong door!'' WHAT THE FUCKKK.. - " @laliloNM
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