Parody FIA
@FIAstewardA parody of a governing body, much like the actual FIA. Equally as impartial. Interpreting rules however we care to do so.
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To compensate Ferrari for the damage caused to the car of Carlos Sainz yesterday, we have given the team a $200 voucher to spend on Red Bull merchandise.
Resale prices for F1 75 have fallen through the floor following news that it will be presented by Red Bull sycophant Karun Chandhok and alien lunatic Danica Patrick.
Following a number of sackings and high profile departures, @fia president Mohammed Ben Sulayem has chaired a meeting with remaining members of his team:
BREAKING: George Russell seen moving in to Enzo Ferrari’s house in Fiorano after insisting he is on the same level as Schumacher and Hamilton:
Following the departure of Niels Wittich, the @fia are pleased to announce the launch of the Red Bull Junior Race Director Programme. The programme will develop impartial future race directors paid for by Red Bull who can disregard rules in high pressure situations.
The @fia would like to remind drivers that whilst swearing is not permitted, sign language is still perfectly acceptable.
Adamant that he is on the same level as seven time world champion Lewis Hamilton, two time race winner George Russell now insists his Mercedes mechanics refer to him as “Goat Russell, tyre whisperer” rather than by his actual name.
Toto Wolff offered his unique insight into high performance on the aptly named High Performance Podcast. Wolff offered his expertise on how Red Bull, McLaren and Ferrari were all able to extract much higher levels of performance from their teams relative to his Mercedes outfit.
Danica Patrick is set to be appointed as Donald Trump’s Head of Alien Lifeforms. A source close to Patrick said: “It’s good for Danica to take a role on which she is so well informed, unlike her role as a Sky Sports F1 pundit.”
Sources at the @fia have leaked a first draft of Ben Sulayem’s alleged response to yesterday’s letter received from F1 drivers and the GPDA:
Mercedes will consider the possibility of allowing Lewis Hamilton to take gardening leave for the rest of the season. If Hamilton does so he will join the Mercedes strategy and design teams, who seem to have been absent for most of the 2024 season.
“Look James, we need a red flag somewhere. Herbert is giving us nothing. If we use Yuki or Sergio it’ll be too obvious. If Franco does this, he’s got the drive.”
Coming soon to all good bookstores. Lando Norris tells his story of the 2024 season:
Lance Stroll speaks English, which is why he chucked his car into the barriers to eliminate Max Verstappen from qualifying in collusion with Johnny Herbert.
Rumours have surfaced in the Interlagos paddock that Red Bull were using a foul tasting fluid to cool their tyres from the inside during races. Teams are not expected to protest, agreeing this was the best use for the fluid in question:
Makes sense Embiid is a Verstappen fan - Jos Verstappen by the looks of it.
The team just dropped to 1-4 and Joel Embiid assaulted a reporter in the locker room.
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