Wade Wilson
@DedpullDeadpool, at your service! Merc with a Mouth. OCD, Mexican delicacies, Grotesque/decent appearance (Depends on artist). Official #SpiderSquad member
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🎵🎶It's me! Hi! I'm the problem, it's me!🎶🎵 💥 Turn offs: Not bein' a Spider Society Member (👀), taxes, misogyny, low ammo, Green Lantern, certain writers. 💥 Earth-616: Characterization favors Fabian Nicieza era, but knowledgeable about other interpretations. 💥 21+ | MDNI
Here we go, that's it! Stabby-McStabberson is BACK an' here for a good time an' not a long one!
What'cha doin' there with that butter kn-- GASP. Wait! Are you tryin' t'butter my biscuit? You just needed t'ask!
Yanno, it feeeeeeeels like my sweet, sweet me muse is a once a month occurrence now. Someone come stab me t'make me feel something!
Ooo, that face is givin' "I'm judging [the reader]" and I'm HERE FOR IT. Whaddya rate this 'fit then? C'mon, gimmie your honest score!
LE GASP. Like who? Are ya callin' me a cheater? I'VE BEEN A LOYAL MAN EVEN WHEN YOU DIVORCED FOR THE [Insert # here] TIME. Summers men have ALWAYS been known t'cheat. ARE YOU PROJECTING? WHO'S THIS OTHER (WO)MAN YOU'VE BEEN SEEING.
🎵🎶BABY CAME BACK. YEAH, YA CAN'T BLAME IT ALL ON ME. 'COZ YOU FORGOT YOUR PASSWORD, AN' YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME🎶🎵
Lemme ask the person in charge of the WHOLE place if you can be the janitor. You still hafta work, just not get shot all the time. Listen, just shut it.
Awww, that's really kind of you, Mr. Wilson. Is it like retirement or a timeshare? Because the last time I purchased a timeshare, ho-boy, it wasn't pretty.
Ya seein' this $#¡+ I go through, Wade. Be glad your Cable failed the test audience or you'd deal with Summers' Diva Tantrumspoloza 24/7.
They've been in college for YEARS. Are ya stuck in some weird time loop? Are you Groundhog Day but instead of day it's whatever you last read of yourself? ANYWHOZLE, I can hook you up! It pays well an' no danger! It's almost like retirement! Let DP take care of you.
Hey, I gotta get my boys through college, and what can I say, dental helps! Car insurance is a new one. I feel like you made that up, Mr. Wilson, sir.
BABY IF THIS IS SOME WEIRD KIND OF 4PLAY. I DON'T LIKE IT. [He does] STOP LIKIN' AN' START YAPPING!
Yanno, for a man who hasn't had job for years (ain't nobody got time t'read Avengers BS), you sure are picky. They have dental, health an' car insurance. Ya can be the janitor! Or the Commander's stress ball!
What password? Oh no, sir, no more double agenting for me! I'm back at SHIELD. One day, Miss Hill will return from the war (she won't). But I'm pretty sure SHIELD's been disbanded, so it's just me alone in a large office building. Does this Spidey Fanclub have Dental?
NO BODY MOVE OR BREATHE. THIS ISN'T A DRILL. HE REMEMBERED HIS PASSWORD.
BUDDY! PAL! FRENDO! My lil' Lean Green Gettin' Killed Machine! How come ya remember this password an' not the other? Where ya been? You still working HYDRA? I can get ya a job at the Spidey Fanclub! They have benefits!
I can't BELIEVE it, ya motherSHOCKER! You done did it! I finally got got by THE MAN HIMSELF: ME! SNFF. I'm so proud of ya. SNFF. AN' THE SHOCK YA MEAN NON-NEGOTIABLE?! I ain't sharin' nothing with that lame a$$ side character! Bob's a better "always dies" sidekick!
Eddie Murphy? Alex Baldwin? Boris Johnson? ...waitasec that's eerie with the hair. No! No! Go back! Hey, BTW, was it YOUR birthday too or was it just Gabe's? Happy birthday! I'm gonna get you a present! ( THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!! )
Are you speakin' opposite day or backwards? I feel like when I watched the Justice League I understood ya better. But as it stands, I ain't got the right brain power to translate what the f@#$ you're saying.
This is why so many of Us runnin' 'round. Sheathe the katana once in a while, [Insert a man whose fathered a lotta kids. I'm tired. Sue me]
Maybe I 𝙙𝙤 have cat-like reflexes. No condom forever! You know, it's that thing that Black Panther says!
"D'awww, I'm doin' my Reputation Era right now! I bedazzled my uniform an' even my katanas!" Wade is starstrucked! He's going to make sure Granddaddy Parker doesn't go into the light!
"Thank you. Likewise, your reputation precedes you." That was an understatement. The Wilson in his universe was just as chaotic, though he has not seen him since his retirement.
Fainted 'coz I'm so good, right? Right.
Maybe you got first place cuz all the other singers fainted after you sang....
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