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JARED FTW

@Dad_Help

I'm quitting Twitter. Bye.

Joined July 2014
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JARED FTW Reposted

If you can't fuck in heaven, I'm going to hell


JARED FTW Reposted

If the economy is doing as well as you say, then there is not much room for economic growth. That's just basic economics. F -

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JARED FTW Reposted

Factual error: Nothing in The NYT article has been debunked as "erroneous" -- hence why Breitbart had to put it in quotes. On the topic of "fake news," isn't your tweet misinformation? Like father like son. F -

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JARED FTW Reposted

Hey, baby, are you Danny DeVito? Because I wanna fuck you.


I accidentally ate a wasp yesterday. Thought it was a bee


I'm not actually quitting Twitter. Who are you really gonna believe, me or my bio??


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No, dad, I didn't floss my #teeth tonight


Dad, help me brush my #teeth


It's been 2 years 7 months 3 weeks 2 days 5 hours 14 minutes and 23.7 seconds since dad went to go get those wood screws. He's so silly.


You might be a dad if you sign all of your text messages.


Having to pretend that my son isn't a disappointment. #GrowingUpDad


The perfect name for a son is Tom because Tom rhymes with son.


When you wish upon a dad your dreams come true 🎶


OTHER DAD TAILGATING OUTSIDE OF HOME DEPOT: This is what 'Merican patriotism is all about, son. [Scarfs down Oscar Mayer Wiener]


@RitaCance @jadynnnn_ sorry, visitation hours ended a long time ago.


[Side kicks train w/his tiny kid-like leg] DAMSEL:is this a joke?I need help or I'm dea- [Train runs her over] DAD-MAN:hi "dea", I'm Dad-Man


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