Pseudo Cyd
@Cyd10eIn search of logic, wit and amusement wherever it can be found... In other words, just killing time.
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Beware of the trailblazers who carry their own matches and accelerant.
Lawnmowers should explode if they’re started before 10am.
One minute you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re the office translator for 80s movie references no one else gets.
Not to brag but I’m fairly certain that I’m the anchor being of my universe.
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.
Subway employee: six inch or footlong? Me: I'm holding out for a hero.
A woman at the gym called me handsome so I guess I’m getting married you guys.
Anyone know how many calories you burn while arguing with your kids about cleaning their rooms? Like, 10,000? I think it’s 10,000.
It goes a long way with me when people actually walk their talk.
I just told my daughter, “It’s 11:11 make a wish!” To which she replied, “My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it’s 11:17.”
My 6 year old just got back from visiting our elderly neighbor and said, “I told her we’d bring her some fresh baked cookies when they’re ready.” I informed her that we weren’t baking any cookies today and she said, “Oh, I guess we kinda have to now, don’t we?” Diabolical.
6-year-old: Did you know an octopus has 9 brains? Me: I did not know that. 6-year-old: That’s because you only have 1 brain.
Nobody: My 6yr old talking to himself on the toilet: everyday I gotta get up for school. & then everyday I’m gonna have to get up for work. When does it end. Did I ask for this? No. I don’t remember that I asked for this. I asked for rest and legos and French toast.
I just found out a married couple I know doesn’t have assigned cars. Like they have 2 cars.. but one isn’t his and hers… they just wake up every morning and grab whatever set of keys and go??? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in all my lives????
I don't like the person I become when I ask my husband to do something and he tells me he’ll “do it later.”
So unfortunately my Mom membership was revoked because they found out I’ve never arranged to have my family’s picture taken in a field of wheat or wildflowers.
Scary Halloween costume idea for my wife: Just walking around with a tape measure asking if this is a load bearing wall.
Ah, man. Is this really the world we made, even with all the intelligence and compassion available to us?
The phrase "common sense" was surely created ironically.
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Who to follow
-
Matty Boom Batty
@vlowgoes -
🅴🆅🅴🆁🆈🅾🅽🅴 🇬🇧
@RichardPr0ct0r -
C~
@ImTheSheriff -
SixStringTrucker
@MrEd_EVH -
Marly
@VerbsRProudest -
Kris
@MythicalCrystal -
Ryan 🇺🇸
@dsylixec -
Mrs. Fitz
@PFitzpa -
Ned
@Nrvous1 -
Daz?
@HomeProbably -
Kayligula
@kayleighceilidh -
DPW
@pondermymaker -
X Alqee
@Xalqee -
David's Soul
@david_tull -
DammitBoy®
@cydnizoi
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