@Creighton_Bayer Profile picture

Creighton Bayer (blue check)

@Creighton_Bayer

Miami Comic/Milf Magnet

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Me when she takes her clothes off-

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Imagine hating me & I’m just at work like-

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at that age where 1985 & 2003 are flirting with me on a constant basis.


Me whenever someone takes their shoes off on a plane.

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“This election got me thinkin’ bout how your love Trumps all. Crazy how the whole country just decided to take him back over her, just like you should. Just goes to show that people can change, like I said I would. Stay blessed & say hi to your Mama for me.”

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If you ain’t from within 50 miles of Jamestown you don't get to celebrate Thanksgiving.


“Sharks are older than trees.”

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“What’s it like being a Dolphins fan?” Basically this-

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Her- “How good are you?” Me-

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When I say “in my defense,” this is who I mean-

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my only financial goals in life are- 1) to eat pasta in Italy (someday) and 2) to be the house that hands out the full sized candy bars on Halloween 🎃


Sativa to change the things I can, Indica to accept the things I can't 💨


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This is incredibly far from normal



date people who want to suck your private parts, not your energy.


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Like 5 different versions of Dominican



If you got chemistry the only other thing you need is timing and timings a real capital b Bitch.


After 30 it’s either an engagement ring or a motorcycle. & I see a lotttttt of women on the back of motorcycles.


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