Comedy intern
@ComedyInternPart time funny, full time phony. Original jokes only.
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Cancel Culture people: please remind me to cancel my free-trials in-time.
Noise-cancelling changed the audio game for good. It's amazing to cancel construction noises out of your favourite podcast. There will surely be a "visual equivalent" in the coming years using AR. What would you use Vision-Cancelling for? Billboards? Dirt? Homeless people?
I'm writing a foodie guide of places well worth fattening up at. 100 places to visit before you diet.
The one thing I think about when I hear “going back to pre-pandemic life” is where am I going to hide my 12 extra kilos.
It’s just in my household or the sweatpants became as mandatory as the face mask?
What about those days that you don’t “sit down for a meal” but you end up eating the whole day through. Binge, cringe or fringe?
Hey you, busy guy in the zoom meeting: stop telling us you have too many tabs open. Fuck you and have a great weekend.
Things I’m looking forward to do after getting vaccinated: stealing food from other people’s desk. Eating own Oreos never taste as good.
What bothers me the most about AI taking our jobs is the fact they don’t have a physical form. In respect to our old jobs, they should at least operate from the bodies of Chunk E. Cheese animatronics sitting in our cubicles.
I’ve swamped my roommates sleeping pills for laxatives. Now he shits in bed and sleeps on the toilet. I want to win the discussion and prove my point that 21 days is all it takes to build a habit.
My wife is moving to another city for work. Soon, we’ll have to not have sex virtually too.
5G is revolutionising distance medicine. Just did a terrific remote colonoscopy. Link for the director's cut in the bio.
BREAKING NEWS: Married man unloads the dishwasher and forgets to release a PR announcement around the house. "Such a wasted effort, I'm ashamed", commented the victim of his own forgetfulness.
Robots are growing an attitude with this Mars landing. I just caught my Roomba on the corner reading a Jack Kerouac novel.
Queer Mr. Potato head, gender free Barbie, trans GI Joe: Toys R Us.
The pandemic is a cereal killer. bloomberg.com/opinion/articl…
Good news to all of you that lost weight recently: I found it. DM if you want it back.
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Who to follow
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Kat
@ollkorrect0 -
Oswald O'lottakum
@OswaldOLottakum -
Mental Masochist
@SentientSadist -
Julie (The Texan Minnesotan)
@juliepafoofnic -
Steve.. Functioning Dysfunction
@bigdills88 -
Rick
@jimmychill12 -
Michael Brogan ツ
@MichaelTBrogan -
Blather Wince Repeat
@xerxesbigboy -
bee_es_tee
@crabbysideof50 -
Brine
@Lifeofbrine1 -
Lumpy Junk
@MonkeyPee2 -
What are you going to do stab me?
@1999_jab -
Robert K. Young
@RobertKYoung -
BusyDoingNothing
@doingnothinbusy
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