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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul


Pickup Line: Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.


My body actually looks like an old banana, but it's fine


You end up stirring liquid with increasingly larger sticks until eventually you're paddling a kayak


After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.


To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else


Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive? A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.


Adversity is a fact of life. It can't be controlled. What we can control is how we react to it.


I always watch the credits at the end of a movie just to see if there's a chance I got drunk and stumbled onto the set


Always be smarter than the people who hire you


Being concerned of others� opinions of you is a form of captivity


PickUpLine: Can I have directions to your heart?


Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success


Who knows what death is? Maybe life is nothing more than a beam of light passing slowly over our changing faces.


Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.


PickUpLine: I'm hard. Are you wet?


Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia


Relationships are a two way street navigated by women who are backseat drivers and men who refuse to use maps


Life is the best school. God is the best teacher. Problem is the best assignment. Failure is the best revision.


People on Facebook "Like" everything but grammar


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