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My boss gave me this big bottle of winter ale and I've been putting off drinking it. It tastes like old pipe tobacco smells.
What the fuck do I have to do to get one of those cool blue checkmarks beside my name? Like on a scale of 1 to Bon Jovi how famous must I be
Millennials are making 20% less than baby boomers did at their age. I want to react to this news properly—what’s the opposite of “YAAAS?"
I don't know what I want more: to lose the rest of this holiday gut or a rack and a half of ribs for dinner.
Literally laying on my bathroom floor because I've spent so much time laying on my couch and my bed lately I needed something new in my life
My life has been reduced to Friday night sushi dates with myself. But like, more sushi for me right?
While paying for my coffee and Egg McMuffin I got the strangest look after asking for sweet and sour sauce. That shits good on anything fam.
Tonight is the night I go to bed at 8:30pm and actually sleep before 1:30am. I can feel it.
I feel like I would sleep so much better if I could just turn off my thoughts... and my cats.
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