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My wife is mad and yelling at the TV and I’m pretty sure it’s going to ruin my night and I’d kinda like an apology from Barb for that.
Hannah you can get engaged again.. Angelina from my show got engaged like 6 times #TheBachelor
Husband to 2yo: Every time you whine like that your kindle battery dies a little. Me: Why the hell didn't I think of that?
Or ya know, “all purpose cleaner” 😅
My husband is pretty good at finding almost any item I have on my list when he goes to the store for me. But every once in a while, I like to add things like banana rice just to keep him on his toes.
Couples who sit on the same side of an empty booth: Explain Yourselves.
Oof 😂
If you’re a parent, here’s a good rule for tipping. Pretend that server is your own son or daughter. That way you don’t need to tip as much.
I didn’t just hug, kiss, and put two kids to bed tonight. I also had to hug and kiss four stuffed unicorns, a stuffed monkey, Elmo, a stuffed puppy, Spider-Man, a creepy looking koala, a singing unicorn-rainbow-bear, and my own sanity goodnight.
Toddler: I want toast Me to husband: I don't want to give her toast Husband: just tell her she already ate it Me: you already ate your toast Toddler: *eyes narrow* Husband: you said it was yummy Toddler: *walks away*
Apparently I’m “has 74 open internet pages on my phone” years old.
male privilege is not having to deal with girls you haven’t spoken to since high school sliding into your DMs to try to recruit you for a pyramid scheme
9-year-old: Why do we have to dress up for church? Me: To show God we have our act together. 9: But he knows we're lying.
Anyone else pleasantly shocked that Jordan had this in him? #BachelorInParadise
Randy Orton's wife RKOing him out of nowhere has marriage goals written all over it (via Instagram/@RandyOrton)
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