Angry Alan
@AlansNotepadIf you're here to moan about us losing, we was tired. I'm just a cockney geeza 'avin a laugh. Parody. Pardewdy.
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The rumours about me going down under are true... on your wife #pardew #womanizer
Ozil offside. If he gets anywhere near me he's getting a swift right hook
Glad The Sun are taking some responsibility. Now the rest of you can apologise too! #justice http://t.co/OrMxFLEEmo
The vicious rumours circulating of me fighting Floyd Mayweather for his title are untrue. I am banned from boxing for being "too powerful".
Fans love Tiote 'cause he's a rough lad who gives a good kicking, and I do one head butt and I'm the villain! #DoubleStandards #BigPards
It's pretty simple, get in my face and I will nut ya #toquickforyoumeyler
Alan Pardew linked to the England job #throwbackthursday #whatwentwrong
Yes I have been hiding, and yes now we've won again I'm pretty sure I'm the best manager in town. #BigBadPardew
Could be worse, David Moyes could be managing Newcastle. No offence intended but David is a hopeless waste of space. #NoOffence #PardewIn
Have also put a bid in for Olivier Giroud, we desperately need a striker who can score #playaplaya
I deliberately lost at home to Cardiff so we didn't have to lose again this weekend #cheerspards #noworries
I am numb to the feeling of losing by 3 or more goals now and thus am invincible. Remember, I was linked as the next England manager once.
Name: Alan Pardew Mission: To destroy Joe Kinnear Plan: Be nice about him in the media, lure him into my house and feed him to my terrier
Rumours circulating Man City are after the signature of Joe Kinnear following his success at #nufc in bumper £350 and a pack of crisps deal.
Breaking news: Joe Kinnear has resigned. Breaking news: Champagne shortage in Newcastle. He did a good job for us. Bought many players.
Can't wait to update my Fifa to get all the new newcastle players! Wait, I thought we bought people with Cabaye money? DAMN YOU ASHLEY!!!
For all of you asking, yes we did reject a 16 million bid from Arsenal for Shola. We aren't a selling club and think he's worth more.
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