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I’m pretty sure I avoid getting carded by having gray nose hair.
Whoever runs the scoreboard at Coors Field is NOT OKAY.
I don’t get the term “second to none”. Wouldn’t that mean 2nd? Their service is second to none. So it’s either none or 2nd. Anyway, we need to stop saying this.
Million dollar idea @McDonalds Just take shakes off your menu. Much easier than your machines “not working” all the time.
I use a different name every time I go through the chick-fil-a drive through. When they catch on, then I’ll know that we go too much.
Let’s be honest. Nobody actually washes their feet. You just let the soap you’re standing in do it.
BREAKING: Free speech is no longer free. I’m charging $14.95 per speech. Or a full year of unlimited speech for $9.99.
Al Pacino is going to be a dad at 83. He was overheard saying “I thought I was out…but they pull me back in”
Where’s a 1984 Ponderosa Steak House when you need one.
My neighbor is having a bbq with grown ups, and I have 5 kids screeming in the pool. I think we know who won this #MemorialDay
Teabagging doesn’t leave a mark. Unless you dip them in ink first. Always stay 1 step ahead.
I’ve been on twitter now for 2 days and Elon Musk hasn’t even said hello yet. Actually, not sure anyone even sees this. Hello? (Infinite void)
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