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Wife: What are you doing in there? Me: *watching the pig fight my toddler over a can of beer* Reading.
you could throw a watermelon ring pop on that hand & she gonna flex it like a 16 carat ring. It's the little things I swear
I stopped fuckin with April Fools after Squidward took it to far and did this.
I believe subway $5 foot longs should be $5 not $8.56
i wish niggas would humble themselves cause i don't wanna have to send these screenshots to ya girlfriend 😊
my god i cant wait till i get my shit together and move the hell out of florida
RIP to my gpa/immune system/sleep schedule/bank account/life/me
We spend a lot of time thinking about sloppy joes and almost none thinking about tidy jims.
Anybody got a belt?
Mom: keep crying and imma give you a reason to cry about Me: twitter.com/fatbellybenny/…
I only started acting again so you guys wouldn't feel like you wasted money on the posters of me at 12.
who needs April Fools when your whole life is a joke
Girls complained about the spaghetti strap dress code in HS but in college all they wear are triple XL shirts and Grandpa sandals
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