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The cheese maturity scale should be standardised across ALL supermarkets and a regulatory body set up.
Somebody always has to spoil those 4.6 star reviews with a photo of it in pieces and the headline "BROKE AFTER TWO MINUTES".
Aways suspicious of "new & improved" recipes. Feels very "third time lucky? maybe not disgusting now?".
What’s the scariest film ever? Probably when you turn a tap on after the water’s been off for an bit and it’s all spluttery. Not technically a movie but definitely up there.
A turkey sandwich in festive packaging? Fine. The same egg & cress sandwich they do all year but in festive packaging? Morally wrong.
The last topic Twitter suggests is flying squirrels. If you see that one in your feed, well done. You've finally muted them all.
Going into the office now like feels preparing for a holiday. List of things to pack. Two alarms. Mini shampoo. Sunglasses. Extra pants. Passport.
If microwaves were six times their size and only found in country houses, people would go nuts for them.
Every fridge should have a special "disgusting shelf" that's exclusively for squeezy mayonnaise.
Moths have never had it so good. 200 years ago they'd be flying into 100% flames. Now it's always a cool, safe LED light.
Quite a flirtatious wet floor sign. “Why don’t you ‘slip’ into something more comfortable?”
Just realised the video for Saviour’s Day is basically The Wicker Man.
Those "mini trailers" before the movie trailer? By 2030 we'll have micro trailers for those mini-trailers. Then in 2038, nano-trailers for the micro-trailers. And by 2042, quantum-trailers for...
Nutmeg must have a very high opinion of itself to come in jars of a dozen or so. Just one ‘meg is plenty, guys. We’ll stock up again in 2032.
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Who to follow
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Davie Wills 🏴
@DavieLegend -
Stephen Grant
@stephencgrant -
Jason
@NickMotown -
Cap'n Ben Homewood
@capnbobfrapples -
Frankie McGinty
@FrankieMcGinty -
Hugh Oatcake
@hugh_oatcake -
Daniel Maier
@danielmaier -
HeardinLondon 💚
@HeardinLondon -
Neil
@_Enanem_ -
Richard V. Hirst
@vivmondo -
Matt Leys
@mattleys -
Nat Saunders
@ratbanjos
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