@the_real_emily Profile picture

Emily

@the_real_emily

Let’s laugh all the way to the grave

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Pinned

I bet nymphomaniacs have lots of fucks to give


Emily Reposted

Is it just me or is it you too?


If you’re not saying on a daily basis “Hey what are eating?!” Do you even have a dog?


Emily Reposted

When your cat kneads you, what they’re really doing is tenderizing you.


Emily Reposted

Dudes that went to the moon: We went to space Moms: Yeah?...I made some people


Emily Reposted

You know it’s gonna be a good day when you put your shirt on inside out


Emily Reposted

I know that fuzzy on the floor is not a spider but every time I walk by it I look at it like it might pull some shit


Friend: Uh...your millennial is showing... Me: Where bro?!


Emily Reposted

insomniacs are the real early birds.


Emily Reposted

All these websites promising me cookies really aren't holding up their end.


Emily Reposted

Doctor: I have your test results Me: did I pass hahaha Doctor: hahaha you will soon Me: haha what


Emily Reposted

Me: *clumsily bumping into everything as I clean* Roomba Engineer: *taking notes*


Emily Reposted

{me, in a horror film} *runs three steps* *panting* ah, fuck it. just kill me.


Emily Reposted

Stop being offended, it offends me.


Emily Reposted

People be like: I don't do politics, but if you vote for this guy your mom's a hoe.


Emily Reposted

I'm not ghosting you. I'm haunting you.


Emily Reposted

racoons wake up every day and choose anarchy


Emily Reposted

When you told me my shirt was covered in cat hair I felt nothing.


Emily Reposted

“I must go, Gotham needs me.”

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