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If you’re not saying on a daily basis “Hey what are eating?!” Do you even have a dog?
When your cat kneads you, what they’re really doing is tenderizing you.
Dudes that went to the moon: We went to space Moms: Yeah?...I made some people
You know it’s gonna be a good day when you put your shirt on inside out
I know that fuzzy on the floor is not a spider but every time I walk by it I look at it like it might pull some shit
All these websites promising me cookies really aren't holding up their end.
Doctor: I have your test results Me: did I pass hahaha Doctor: hahaha you will soon Me: haha what
Me: *clumsily bumping into everything as I clean* Roomba Engineer: *taking notes*
{me, in a horror film} *runs three steps* *panting* ah, fuck it. just kill me.
People be like: I don't do politics, but if you vote for this guy your mom's a hoe.
I'm not ghosting you. I'm haunting you.
racoons wake up every day and choose anarchy
When you told me my shirt was covered in cat hair I felt nothing.
I just want to be looked at the way this cat looks at cake reddit.com/r/cats/comment…
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