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officially mastered the stone cold stare at strangers who stare at me
It sucks you can’t google something happening in your life. What does my neighbor Derek do for work
the absolute grip that Michael Buble holds on department stores playlists
I wonder what it’s like to send an email and not have to reread it 11 times
Normalize being extremely busy but accomplishing nothing
I love telling my dad my problems only for him to respond “okay… and?”… like damn daniel
Dressing like this all fall, pickles included.
So did some random guy come to all of your middle schools to do yo-yo tricks for an hour in the auditorium for no reason or was that just mine
lmk if green sour patch kids are your favorite so I know who to steer clear of
anyone else throw their cooked pasta at the cabinets to check if it’s done by whether it sticks or not… or am I the weird one
working saturday night shift on a beautiful day like today is equivalent to slamming your hand in a car door 4 times in a row
The NICU experience from my husbands perspective: "I just never thought there would be a time in life where so many women in nurses uniforms would keep calling me daddy."
living with roommates is fun because you get to learn what their parents think should be refrigerated
Goldilocks was crazy I love her..imagine breaking into someones house and being like. Umm this chair fucking sucks
Just went on a run and passed an older lady driving her golf cart thru our apartment complex with her dog in the passenger seat and a wine cup in her hand
I will be having 3 margaritas to represent each unsuccessful attempt at filing my taxes today & will try again on Monday
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