r.
@rubennggesomewhere beyond the sea of stars, where the gaze of the gods fail to land
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without accelerating or postponing its arrival death will always come, like petals in a garden, life will always wither
i obsess over my own identity in relation to others while my soul rots inside of me. i've watered myself down so much that i'm insipid, i try to be palatable to others. so much that i taste bland. forgettable.
if i'm not in anyone's mind, if no one utters my name, if no one witnesses me, do i exist? am i?
i carry all my wounds and scars on my body, i don't tend to them nor do i care about them. they are a gentle reminder of everything i loved and haven't loved me back. they are a gentle reminder of the sins i've committed.
fate once foretold by the sea of stars is as unmovable as the very laws reigning this universe. i am merely a slave to fate
i always talk about how my dad stopped hugging me but i never talk about how i stopped hugging him too
i think i'll never admit how much i crave to be loved and wanted and missed. i'll never admit how much i want to be kissed and touched. but i refuse to humiliate me by asking for it, so i'll take away pieces of me to make myself easier to love. i'll make myself digestible enough.
delighted i keep myself awake to think about it, the warm and lovely ache. to tighten my hands around the waist, of something violent. the sweet and melted taste.
"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." Leviticus 20:13
desearía que el mundo estuviera en llamas, así podría arder en el y nadie se daría cuenta
a veces me pregunto porq vivo en un estado constante de depresion y luego me acuerdo q solo escribo sobre mis desgracias (a proposito)
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