Carl
@mediocarlAggressively mediocarl #SlaybrahamLincoln
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Did you know you can just buy spirit airlines pilot uniforms from Amazon?
Costco date idea: buy a rotisserie chicken and a tray of blackberries. Then dazzle your date by eating the entire order in front of them. That's dinner and a show for $8.98. #CostcoBro #ThinkingOutsideTheBigBox #Costco #BrotisserieChicken
George W. Bush was the Brett Farve of presidents. #MVPresident #CrocsDad #ChronicTraumaticEncehalopatahy
Telling people your new years resolution so they can hold you accountable is a great way to find out that no one cares about you.
The only thing that's more fun than playing Settlers of Catan is hearing someone describe Settlers of Catan to someone who's never played Settlers of Catan.
When I inevitably work at a giant corporation I think I'll be the guy in the office who calls everyone big dawg. My cubicle will be the dawg pound.
If you bust out your ironic Christmas sweaters while it's still November, it's not the sweater that's ugly, just your personality.
In a lil' pond, I'm a buff fish. In a big ass lake, I'm still a pretty buff fish. #ConservationOfMASS #MassCannotBeCreatedOrDestroyed #MerelyGained #FishesEntireBodiesAreAbs
Working at a company where everyone sings you happy birthday would be my darkest timeline.
I tell people I cut my own hair to save money, but really I just hate forced small talk.
I saw an ad for widescreen TVs. Have any non-widescreen TVs been manufactured in the last 15 years?
Good thing I'm good at fantasy football. Because it really makes up for being bad at differential equations.
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