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Michelob said they’d provide beer at our wedding if I get 20K retweets. Do your thing Twitter and help us out 🤪 @raisingtwosons @MichelobULTRA #UltraWedding
McKenna u need bottom mascara, boom roasted. Kelsey ur nose job sucks, boom roasted. Sydney ur a lyin ass bitch, boom roasted. Lexi ur a ginger, boom roasted. Victoria F I can see right through u, boom roasted. Victoria P ur nose job also sucks, boom roasted. #TheBachelor
After a long hot summer our staff and residents are heading out of town to Nashville Themed Dinner Night for a boot scootin’ good time! #Trilogybootscootinboogie #themeddinnernight
Come out to the College of Business to pledge to Spread The Word To End The Word #rword @ufstride You won’t regret it! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 #retweet
Coming out of a test thinking you aced it. Only to find out you failed...
my parents weren’t very active in making me “act like a lady” as a kid and now i sit like a man and rate my burps on a ten point scale so it was clearly a parenting fail
UPDATE: FRIENDS IS STAYING ON NETFLIX 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
The Holiday Armadillo has granted your wish: “Friends” will still be there for you in the US throughout 2019
i wonder why my parents hate me and then i remember that in highschool i hit someone’s car with a golf cart and was scared of getting in trouble so i pretended to be dead. was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. people were crying. i didn’t have a scratch.
Ladies, if he: -doesn’t text back -wallows in self pity at 4:00 -stares into the abyss at 4:30 -solves world hunger (tells no one) -jazzercize at 5:30 -has dinner with himself @ 6:30 -wrestles with self loathing at 7:00 he’s not your man, he’s the Grinch
*Gets in Uber* My brain- Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Me - “so how long have you been Ubering for?”
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