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Called the cops on a neighbor who was giving out apples and toothbrushes.
Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.
All weekends should include Monday anyway.
I can see myself going to jail over pie.
What base is it, when she says she likes your new hearing aids?
Raisins should be called grape jerky
Growing up, I was ashamed of my mom because she had the fewest DUI arrests of any other mom in my hometown.
If you're looking for a bad boy, I just got shushed in the library.
My kid said I’m almost halfway to 100 so I gave him broccoli for breakfast.
I can do a lot of things now that I couldn’t do 20 years ago, like cause a herniated disc by picking up my reading glasses off the floor.
I just seen a boy walk in the gas station with one cowboy boot and one crock. If them two things can work together maybe it ain’t too late for this land.
Do it scared, do it broke, do it alone, do it unsure, but do it anyway.
I hate to brag but I get asked about my mental stability on a daily basis.
Babe, is your ass the sun? Because it reminds me of a ball full of gases.
The sound of rain is always better than the feel of it
may thy duckies be bountiful upon thy dashboard and may thine monster energy claws be monstrous.
United States Trends
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- 9. #OnePride 11 B posts
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- 11. Jordan Love 5.714 posts
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- 14. Vikings 27,8 B posts
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