i.am.ruin
@i__am__ruinCSA: Family believed StepMonster over me. Mom said demons were controlling my mind, when the only “demon” controlling me was the one she married. #DID #CPTSD
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When I heard her say this, I lost it. *My* family groomed me to accept abuse from both men & women. My stepdad raped me while Mom, blinded by her own abuse history, kept up the facade of a happy housewife. Maybe I won’t kill myself, just so I can watch the patriarchy burn. 🔥✊🏼🖕🏼
Waking up is always such a disappointment. Why can’t I just die in my sleep? 😞
INSOMNIA AS A TRAUMA RESPONSE The darkness of nightfall may bring with it, the faces, places, memories, that are triggering for CPTSD survivors. In this article, our guest writer shares her experience dealing with insomnia and the progress that is possible buff.ly/3exVWkY
Woke up to strong thoughts of suicidal ideation, which bled into pondering why my abuser hasn’t caught COVID, or a mass shooter’s stray bullet, when so many good & innocent people die needlessly. “God” has some really fucked up aim. #cptsd #trauma #did
DID makes perfect sense once you tie the proliferation of 'parts of the personality' to the #trauma that precedes them: how else are we to cope with such unbearable suffering but to segregate it from conscious awareness? Read more: carolynspring.com/books/ #therapistsconnect
A question I get asked often is “Are you more likely to attract a narcissist if you suffered abuse in your childhood or past?” The answer is YES. Here’s why... via @MedCircle #medcircle #narcissism #narcissists #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuseawareness
I hate being passively #suicidal. I wish I had the courage to end my life. Everywhere I go, all I see is threat, & the suffering of others, which adds to my own suffering. I can’t bear it. I don’t want to live in such a hateful, toxic, dangerous world. There’s no hope, only pain.
The best yrs of my life are over. I’m left to slog thru this process called “trauma recovery” which has me so broken, I can’t build a life worth living. Isn’t it enough that he stole my innocence, self-worth, & family? Good ppl die each day, yet my perp lives. Death has shit aim.
Nothing gets The Mother off the phone faster than suggesting she find her own therapist. 😏
Waking up is still such a disappointment. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I wake up, & my first thought is, “Oh, no, not more of this again…” 😞 & then I’m just counting the hours ‘til bedtime. I take zero pleasure in being alive, & death would be far less exhausting. #TheUglyTruth
Dear Mom, Showering me with gifts won’t fix me. Removing my rapist from your life and no longer covering for him might help though. Love, Your Eldest
In Aug, after 4yrs off due to injury, I restarted aerial arts training. Depression + physically demanding activity don’t play well together. I lack the energy/motivation to do strength/flexibility training btwn aerial lessons. So my progress is stunted, which feeds my depression.
I was asked, “What advice would u give an 18-year-old u?” My 1st thought: “Kill urself now. It won’t get better. Or forget ur dreams, & marry rich.” Nxt ? was, “Where do u see urself in 10 yrs?” My 1st thought: I can’t stomach the thought of living that long. Nothing’s changed.
It took 2 months for me to feel ready to go back to therapy, after my trauma therapist dumped me without warning. I was scheduled for a new therapist interview today at noon. They never called. WTactualF? 🤬 Maybe I’ve been right all along, & God created me just to suffer. 😞💔
Toxic Stress, ACEs and Polyvagal Theory The toxic stress resulting from adverse childhood experiences causes great harm in childhood and later in adulthood. This article uses the Polyvagal Theory to explain the connection between toxic stress and ACEs. bit.ly/ToxicStressand…
When I see an elated pregnancy announcement, all I can think is, what selfish fool chooses to bring a child into this world now? You think dealing with climate change will be better 18 years from now? You think fascism makes a good backdrop for a new life? Fucking breeders. 🤬 🖕🏼
OMFG IF I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY SOON, IT *WILL* KILL ME. #CPTSD #trauma #survivor #narcissisticabuse
2 wks ago, the therapist who diagnosed me w DID, CPTSD, & treatment-resistant depression dumped me. They said they doubted I’d survive if I didn’t continue w someone else. How the fuck am I supposed to trust another therapist after such a demoralizing abandonment? Idk what to do.
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