Dawn Dais
@bydawndaisWriter of The Sh!t No One Tells You Parenting Series, The Overly Honest Baby Book, designer, filmmaker, expert napper
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The biggest difference between a boy child and a girl child: When a boy child says, “Smell this” you most definitely do not want to smell whatever he is offering. #takenote
Most of the time I feel like the only reason I have an Apple Watch is because it has a button on it that helps me find my phone that I lose every 17 minutes.
I feel more than a little attacked that Amazon is sending me packages unpackaged, just out in the open, for everyone to see what I impulse-bought at 1am.
Please stop everything. There is a cat nip brand called Meowijuana. . “Why are you laughing about these Mommy?” . “Um. It says Pawty Mix instead of Party Mix. So silly.”
My son accessorized Buddha and I feel like this is a good representation of my road to spiritual enlightenment. #wearedoingourbestoverherebuddha
The kids are watching the most annoying YouTube video that was ever Tubed. On top of that, one kid is narrating it, making sure I don’t miss any. part. of. it. . My cochlear implant battery just went out. Moments like this make you really believe in miracles. #deafhasitsbenefits
I’m in the store and Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract is on. It just struck me that this was a major hit & in everyone’s mind the male voice is a animated cat. Who was the poor dude who sang on a #1 hit & had MC Skat Cat get credit? . Also. Why was it ok that she was dating a cat?
I just ate a gluten free bagel. My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone who has to live like this.
I have a sick kid and tried to order a thermometer via @Instacart They couldn’t find the thermometer, but did have some very helpful substitution suggestions. #booze #planb
There is a girl on my son’s 1st grade zoom class who is slouched down in her chair, sunglasses on, refusing to unmute & participate. When she did finally unmute it was to suggest they sing a song instead of write a book. . She’s all done with this pandemic. And she is all of us
Talking with the kids about animals. Somehow got on bats. . Vivi: They are kinda cute, maybe we could get one as a pet. . Daniel: You know, someone ate a bat and made corona. . Vivi: That’s not really the bat’s fault. . Daniel: That’s true. . . #dontblamethebat
After I ordered @DoorDash tonight this popped up. . “Hey, you’re tired. It’s rainy. It’s Friday. Maybe you’re stoned? We won’t judge. Add on some snacks from 7-11!”
I’m selling a house. My real estate agent @erinnstumpf might have posted these photos to MLS. #BernieSanders
I bought fabrics dining chairs. I have two children. . Thank you for your support during this difficult time.
My kid asked Santa for a drone. I thought I should set it up before Christmas morning, bc Santa clearly picked it up in a different country & his elves didn’t translate the instructions very well. Upon reflection, testing flying it in my kitchen was probably not the best idea....
You never quite know how bad someone’s taste is until you see their “after” remodel photos.
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