Paul Silverman
@aPaulledRetweet sounds like something Elmer Fudd would say to his troops if he wanted them to pull back.
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Snitches get stitches implies that snitches have pretty good health care.
I always hold the door open for the ladies... but they never seem to want to get into the van.
Guy I hired to get me back into shape doesn't like small talk. He's more of an impersonal trainer.
Women and children first. Because men just wanted a little peace and quiet before the boat sank.
A new pillow fixed my ex girlfriend's snoring issue. See you in 7-10 years.
I'm not sure how my 25 cents a day will help starving kids in Africa when they barely have any vending machines there.
I never understood cow tipping. Is it the standard 15%... and what the heck do cows do with the money?
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll be a mile away , and they'll have no shoes.
My chameleon can't change colour anymore. He suffers from a reptile dysfunction.
The judge called me a repeat offender. But then again, he always says that.
Paul's Creative Insults #162 You must be a magnet because I was attracted to you until you turned around.
I'll never forget the day my daughter said... "Father, you should tell your jokes on Halloween because that's the day it's ok for people to say boo." Sigh
Can you guess which famous drummer has a birthday today? Hint: If you're stumped, you both have something in common.
This year for Halloween I'll be going as Jack Daniel's. I'll be wearing my costume internally.
If you see someone crying, you should always ask if it's because of their haircut.
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