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Yesterday I asked my kindergartener what she did in school and she said "nothing," then later I went on Instagram and her teacher had posted a picture of her holding a crocodile.
I wish the IRS would just take my money instead of tormenting me with their fucked up riddles
I have never come back from any holiday feeling relaxed, refreshed & reinvigorated to get back into work. I come back with the taste of freedom, still fresh in my mouth, a renewed hatred for work, and a strong suspicion that this is not what I should be spending my life doing.
babe wake up there’s a football game at the jonas brothers thanksgiving concert
i need at least 3 beverages in my proximity at all times. they can all be cold but not all of them can be hot. if there are more than 3 then at least one of them has to be hot. this is the secret to my success, hope it helps
Kanye West updates his profile picture on Instagram to photo of Kris Jenner.
Kylan I’m not having a great day or a good day what do I do now
My dog can’t be my emotional support pet cause he himself needs emotional support. we’re just two anxious beings staring at each other.
taking my first sip of my pumpkin cream cold brew is the equivalent of iron man putting his suit on I’m so serious
Jane Eyre was so real for spending the entire novel going “he’s so ugly…I need him”
at work today i served a little girl some ice cream, and her mom says “honey, what do u say?” And she looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love u” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Meghan’s dad’s side of the family is the most dad’s side that has ever dad’s sided
Meghan Markle is being sued by her half-sister Samantha over the Oprah Winfrey interview. tmz.com/2022/03/03/meg…
saw someone talk about how if Kim K, with all the money and resources in the world, can’t safely and simply divorce her husband without being harassed and stalked, then it’s about time we stop asking women in domestic violence situations the question “why doesn’t she just leave?”
Idea: a captcha before you post a political view but instead of finding buses, you have to correctly identify on a blank map where the country you want to tweet about is located
me signing a PDF document: this is exactly like the tv show succession
Tiger woods cheated on his wife and they acted like he started 9/11
Tristan Thompson be in the news for everything except basketball.
United States Trends
- 1. Bama 31 B posts
- 2. Miami 102 B posts
- 3. Clemson 15,7 B posts
- 4. #WWENXT 13,4 B posts
- 5. South Carolina 24,6 B posts
- 6. XDefiant 9.979 posts
- 7. Josh Dix N/A
- 8. Warde Manuel 2.312 posts
- 9. Ubisoft 8.403 posts
- 10. Gundam 114 B posts
- 11. Cam Payne N/A
- 12. Africa 270 B posts
- 13. #CFBPlayoff 4.799 posts
- 14. #MAFS N/A
- 15. MINGHAO 16,8 B posts
- 16. Hegseth 138 B posts
- 17. Eric Dixon N/A
- 18. Lindsey 29,4 B posts
- 19. #SurvivingBarstool N/A
- 20. Boogie Fland N/A
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