US Military
@USMilitary16Parody Account. Not associated with US armed forces
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In order to prevent the spread of #COVID19, instead of training with guns that are passed from person to person, cadets will now begin training in the use of finger guns.
Anyone who sneezes or #coughs in a grocery store and makes it out alive will be allowed to skip basic training.
Anyone who says “cool beans” will be #drafted and stationed along the Mexican border so they can get all the beans they want.
Anyone with #pink hair will be drafted and thrown at the enemy as flashbangs
BREAKING NEWS: The U.S. military developed a coronavirus vaccine giving patients superhuman abilities Side effects may include the entire body turning red and you losing part of your nose
Just wait till we get there!
Instead of bullets and missiles Wars will now be based on which country can rap their national anthem the best. Each country can choose anyone they desire to rap for them. The United States chooses @Drake
Due to the limitation of mass gatherings #WW3 will take place in Call of Duty
Due to the #Coronavirus outbreak cadet training will be online for the foreseeable future
Everyone who is not #SocialDistancing will be drafted and sent to infiltrate terrorist organizations since they liked being around people so much.
We would draft people to steal ISIS’s #toiletpaper if they weren’t still using leaves to wipe.
People who dominate the game of risk will be drafted to come up with strategies on how to properly destroy all who oppose us #risk
We are now collecting all coughs to make into cough grenades to use in gassing #ISIS
If you are a professional gamer you will be drafted to pilot drones
Children who don’t wash their hands will be sent behind enemy lines to shake as many hands as possible in hopes to infect our enemies with the coronavirus
We have cancelled all wars in light of the #coronavirus. We apologize for any convenience this may cause.
Anyone who thinks Harry Potter is better than the Lord of the Rings will be drafted and fed to the Nazgul, or strapped to rockets and launched at ISIS
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