John Pseudonymous
@TwinfamyFather of 3; husband of 1; prolific writer; deft laundry launderer; PhD; stick figure artist; undiscovered rock star
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My daughter just pointed out that the verse guitar part for “Smells Like Teen Spirit” sounds like the theme from The Mandalorian. I’m so proud of this for so many reasons.
You guys, the BEST thing just happened! Daughter: (holding up her dinner plate) Daddy, I’m full. Me: Do you promise you’re not going to ask for a snack in five minutes? Daughter: .........can you save it for me? Me: Yes, yes, holyf*ckingsh!t yes.
My daughter brought this home from school today. “If I lived in ancient Egypt I would have a pig… instagram.com/p/BbAt8jJnePb/
"Always stop eating when you're full. Because that means that you're full." -- My Wife, to My Son
You'll never believe what my son can see when he closes his eyes. #comics twinfamy.com/2017/02/13/min…
Just snapped our @metrokanerabbit clean in half while opening a bottle. We may or may not have a drinking problem... #RestInPieces
My family eats chicken for dinner frequently. This is because we are winners.
Ways I Have Attempted to Con My Kids Into Putting Their F*cking Shoes On: A Non-Exhaustive List wp.me/p1xuis-1Up #parenting #truth
The laws of physics ALWAYS work. Except when I'm playing pool. #datenight
You know you're at a classy establishment if it's equipped with one of these guys. #classy… instagram.com/p/BH56ZIZhp7v/
The Only Times My Son Needs to Poop: An Exhaustive List twinfamy.com/2016/07/05/the… #parenting #kids
Ice Ice Baby (literally). #arizonasummers instagram.com/p/BHfYgSNBuSL/
The Only Times My Son Needs to Poop: An Exhaustive List #parenting #truth twinfamy.com/2016/07/05/the…
Looking for some fun #family activities for this holiday weekend? Don't worry, I got you covered. twinfamy.com/2012/07/04/min…
When your kid head butts you so hard in the ear you may pass out #parentingis
I used to think "laughter is the best medicine." But the older I get, the more I think Aleve is the best medicine. #TooOldForThisShit
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