Ritchie_Ventually
@SomeTofinoGuyLosing the rat race...just like 98% if you guys.
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The only thing you should chase tequila with is more tequila.
In 4th grade I told my teacher I had a headache. He said, “If I had a head like yours, it’d hurt too.” Mr Deweese taught me more than fractions that year, he taught me the art of sick burns.
Her: I only like you as a friend. Me: Well. Can I suck you titties as friends then?
Her tits were sloppy... His dick was weird and bent... A twitter love story.
Can you still say you're sexually active if you just lay there?
Strange how those things you long for you think will make you happy rarely does but the shit you dread never fails to disappoint
Her: Fuck you and your Facebook hoes!! Me: But I met you on Facebook....
My dick might not be 12 inches, but it sure smells like a foot.
Might as well go out....I mean, them cougars ain't going to hunt themselves.
Aging is mostly just your body getting softer and your heart getting harder.
LifeHack: A house can't fall on you if you're homeless.
Kinda sad today.... Because I just realized I can't call them Cougars anymore since I'm almost as old as them.
Not too drunk to do the project but too drunk to drive to Home Depot. So you see my dilemma.
Girl, If we doin doggy style and you look back but don't high five I'm pullin out n goin home.
MAGA doesn't actually mean Make America Great Again. It means Many Antivaxxers Get Affiliated.
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