Martin Gaines
@ManUpMartyTweeting from the hip since 2011.
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Which bird has a throat pouch that's completely useless for storing fish? The pelican't. I'll see myself to the gallow...
When you couldn't afford tickets but find a spot see the show from outside. https://t.co/ptcestgp3A
When you've had enough drinks to start assessing your most novel ideas about bowling. https://t.co/AbW7elK2Ws
First rule of absent-minded club is I like cheese. Seriously, on almost anything.
At what point in life does it become increasingly easy to get away with saying inappropriate things? It's been a downward slope so far.
When your boss asks about your personal life in a sudden uncoordinated stab at appearing social. https://t.co/2FQF0JAxIF
So you preach the word? On Twitter we call that "stealing tweets" but we do it from different accounts rather than just God.
Don't be upset now, but you should know I've faked every single sarcasm. It's not you, it's me.
Smart-ass points awarded to co-worker Ben for pointing out that I described him with the adjective "undescribable". https://t.co/qeKNVHI0jV
The best part of sneezing with headphones on is getting to listen to music at a godzillion decibels for a split second.
This responsibility thing is getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure I don't want any of it.
Just expressing what the world's most wool-yielding sheep reminds me of. I'm out of kush btw. https://t.co/fL3zhVJ73y
Sometimes it's a little frustrating that "How come you're overweight when you're vegan?" is not considered polite conversation.
I'd kinda like to bring back prohibition for just one weekend just to see what happens to Twitter.
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