Maggie MacDavid
@MagsMacDavidI'm just that #crazy #girl who writes really #dark, #sarcastic short #memoirs in The Field Guide to Failing At Life series. Supposedly #funny. Kind of a #bitch.
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Alabama has been approved for individual and public assistance to help our coastal areas recover from #HurricaneSally damage. Thank you @POTUS & @FEMA_Pete for quickly delivering to the people of Alabama! My full statement is below. #alpolitics
PSA: Your partner or significant other is NOT a fucking GPS, people. They are not responsible for knowing where to locate shit that belongs to YOU. TL;DR: organize and handle your own shit.
A little bird told me that one of the badass books in this boxed set takes place in #BayMinette! Pretty cool, right?
Seductive Supernaturals and steamy reverse harems in #FatedMates. Get 20+ NEW TALES from the hottest voices in #paranormal #reverseharem. Pre-order today! amzn.to/2NNyGnk #preorder #BookBoost #WhisperTribe
Who’s up for a mini-podcast that’s just me sharing my failures with you guys so we can all laugh together? #howtofailatlife #epicfail
It would be so fucking awesome if #mothersday2018 were actually about me, but NO. The grown ass man I’m married to can’t even go get the fucking fast food for dinner. Yay for a lame ass day where I still have to do EVERYTHING by myself. #fuckit
You know what my favorite thing to do on #mothersday2018 is? Get yelled at for shit that isn’t my fucking fault. #not #fuckyou #worstmothersdayever #momswhodropfbombs
If you can rebuild an engine, you can definitely find a fucking shirt in a basket of clean clothes. #justsaying
I fucking hate that thing that some men do where they feign ineptitude if they don’t feel like doing something. There’s a LOT of shit I don’t feel like doing, but I do it anyway. #momswhodropfbombs #rage
Just because I work from home doesn’t mean it’s okay for people to interrupt me all the fucking time. 😡🤬😡 #momswhodropfbombs
Thank you #Alexa for finally pronouncing Mobile AL as Mo-BEEL instead of MO-bull 👍
Read what happens when a gemstone prospector falls head-over-hiking boots for an Earth Elemental! thndr.me/Sb5uxf
My best friend has a vacation house in Orange Beach, AL. I drive by it a lot to check on it for her, and she’s got a SHITTY new neighbor. This jackass thinks nobody knows he’s throwing dog shit and cigarette butts in her yard. I SEE YOU, fucker. #peoplesuck
I fucking FINALLY plunge the toilet into submission, and my damn sinks start bubbling ominously. So, my bathroom carpet is safe (for now), but I am 100% certain our plumbing is possessed and some kind of pain demon resides in my intestines. 😫🤢☠️ /7
So, I’m plunging the toilet in a quiet frenzy and I start aggressively whispering at it. “Don’t you fucking DARE overflow on this industrial carpet you sorry piece of SHIT!” I’m pretty sure a piece of my soul broke off and died as I was desperately trying to stave off disaster./6
When I finally DO lay hands on a plunger, it’s the old, decrepit one I keep around as a backup that only HALF ASSED works! I’m trying to plunge the toilet and be ninja about it because I will DIE of shame if my husband wakes up in the middle of this shit. /5
[INSERT PANIC HERE] Yeah, you read that right. I attempted to flush. It didn’t work and the toilet starts backing up. Now I’m sweating bullets because we have INDUSTRIAL fucking CARPET in our master bathroom. I’m scared out of my fucking mind AND I can’t find the damn plunger. /4
I think I’m going to fucking die of stomach pain and worse symptoms of IBS for the better part of 15 minutes. I’ve been on the toilet for so long my fucking legs have gone NUMB and I feel like a wrung-out dirty, dish rag. I make sure it’s over and I attempt to flush. /3
I would not normally use the master bathroom in this situation because I don’t want to subject my husband to the horrific [literal] shit that’s about to happen. I have no choice, but lucky for me he’s asleep. So, I SPRINT to the toilet and prepare to ride out the storm. /2
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