Does anyone ever get that feeling in class when you just wanna scream out "NOBODY GIVES A FUCK"
Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're next." So, I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm Severus Snape, so page 394 maybe?
Let us all take a moment, and be thankful that spiders can't fly.
BREAKING NEWS: Dora the Explorer suffers a heart attack after discovering Google Maps.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have?....................stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.
Retweet if the first thing you do in the morning is check your phone.
Why I hate school? 5% Annoying people. 5% Shitty teachers. 90% It's not Hogwarts!
I'm sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
Me: "Haha I'm older!" Friend: "Haha you'll die first!" Me: "Not if I get my license first and run you over bitch!"
Girl: "I'm breaking up with you." Boy: "Can I get a last hug?" *Girl hugs boy* Girl: "Wait, are you covered in glue?" Boy: "Hehe. ;)"
If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.
"You actually have friends...?" "Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD!"
Mephobia: The fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can't handle it and everybody dies. ...I have this
In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo.
Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos.
I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 10 people called me... I need smarter friends.
LOOK LEFT ------------------------> you failed.
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