@FootyLOLS Profile picture

Jason

@FootyLOLS

- Expert in all sports except fencing and handball ⚽️ - Former U11's shot-put champion of Slough. 🙋🏽‍♂️ - Full-time pro bono sports journalist.✍🏽

Joined July 2022
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With Graham Potter of interest, advisors at Chelsea are trying to explain to Boehly that his surname won’t naturally mean he’ll be able to ‘put the piece back together’. Boehly and right-hand man James Longcock both refusing to believe a surname doesn’t reflect characteristics.


Reports emerging that the Chelsea board have made a ruthless move to instate newly available Rishi Sunak as the club’s new manager. Although harsh on Tuchel, Sunak’s promises that Chelsea will win the Champions League, Superbowl and US. Open are hard to ignore. #CFC #RishiSunak


Scott Parker had admitted that his request for his players to ‘express themselves’ against Liverpool backfired, after it is revealed that two players identify as an industrial sieve, one as a chocolate fireguard and the goalkeeper as a cactus. More to follow.


With news filtering in about an exciting transfer prospect for Manchester United, fans have been left wondering if Serena Williams’ transition from Tennis to Football will be as smooth as they’d hope. A pacy winger with strong winners potential, could this be the answer? #MUFC


With Liverpool facing Fulham in their first game of an intense upcoming season, Jurgen Klopp has launched a GoFundMe page to buy energy bars and Cow and Gate Breastmilk to prepare his players for what he sees as a ludicrous fixture schedule. More to follow.#LFC


With their first game a day away, it’s saddening to hear that Nottingham’s Forest has contracted a deadly infestation of Pine Beetles. Newcastle have kindly offered Chris Wood’s services along with Fulham’s Scott Barker, although unclear if Thiago Silver-Birch will be joining.


As Everton fans requested flavour to be added to their style of play for the ‘23 season, management has secured Ruben Vinagre on loan from Sporting. The board has also attempted the signing of Phil Salt, but have been informed he’s a cricketer. Talks with Yaya Banana remain slow.


Reports are emerging that Kenyan ivory poachers have captured Roberto Firmino and are demanding he relinquish his teeth so they can finish building a Steinway Concert Piano. Klopp stated concerns publicly, expressing that his front three lacks bite without the Brazilian #Lfc


Erik ten Haag has reportedly made comparisons between the recruitment for WW1 Soldiers and Manchester United’s Transfer window as players across the globe continue to state that being butchered in a field isn’t in their long-term plans. More to follow. #Mufc


False claims are emerging that Darwin scored 4 goals for Liverpool against RB Leipzig yesterday. It is of course well documented that Darwin died in 1882 and played CDM,so an alleged four goal haul is derisory. Follow for more breaking transfer related updates. #PremierLeague


Since Arsenal last won the Premier League in the 2003-2004 season, they've won the Premier League 0 times. They are the only club in history to hold this unfortunate record. #COYG


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