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@MatthewPSingley
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A Florida man disappeared in 1997. Then a recent search on Google Earth revealed his fate cbsn.ws/2ZXBibp
Me when I’m working from home and the wife is around.
"Hey guys! I'm having a press conference!" Twice Wednesday night #LSU Coach O had to shut some people up.
One of my blinds broke in my bedroom so I just went to CVS
mugger: *points gun* your money or your life me: sure thing *hands him my id* you got 2 kids and didn’t actually understand the matrix mugger: no i mean- me: *already running away* your late for steph’s recital
[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8
ME: she's jealous of me because i can play Mr. Brightside using nothing but armpit farts WIFE: not true ME: I'll do it right now WIFE: please don't MARRIAGE COUNSELOR (visibly excited): you can express yourself freely here brandon
MOM: I think you should call him. YOU: Mom, please. MOM: It wouldn't hurt to meet him for drinks, that's all. YOU: Mom. MOM: Oh, I'm a horrible mother now, just because I think you should meet a
Her: why are u breaking up with me Me: *changing PowerPoint slides* I'll take questions at the end Jen
I saw this news article about Brad Pitt and now I can't stop thinking about it.
James Harrison's blood has unique antibodies that fight rhesus disease. So he donated blood every week for 60 years and saved the lives of 2.4M babies. Superheroes are real. cnn.com/2018/05/11/hea…
Hey @AntonioBrown it's gonna be Thanksgiving.. my mom's gonna be there.. once again, none of this.. please.. thanks in advance
Ever wonder why there are still pay phones in the airport? Mormons, that's why. And when they're all being used, they ask to use your cell.
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