Alexander The Meh
@Alex_EckertI have a lot of growing up to do. I realized this the other day in my fort.
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Can anyone explain why the entire m&m's advertisement campaign is about murdering unsuspecting human m&m's?
Cat calling is basically the opposite of "if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all"
I feel like I learn a new way sports ruin you each day of school
Email to my professor: "Hello Dr. Goode," Correction email to my professor: "Hello Dr. Welle,"
April fools day would be the worst day for aliens to land on earth.
After being busy from 6:30am-11pm today I thought "I feel like a child laborer from the early 1900s" and that's when I understood privilege
Had a dream where @Alex_Eckert and I had breakfast at a diner that was somehow on wheels and began driving around town. It was pretty cool
At what point should I start getting concerned that I'm perpetually forgetting peoples names?
Most nights, I have a dream in which what just happened at the #Oscars actually happened on election night.
If you leave someone stranded on an island as the President (2nd most powerful role) it's probably illegal or at least just rude
If you decide someone isn't your favorite you can leave them stranded on an island and just fly away. You don't even need to dislike them
I think being the bachelor on the Bachelor is the single most powerful position in America and I'll tell you why
Simply put, any policy proposal which drives up costs of Corona, tequila, or margaritas is a big-time bad idea. Mucho Sad. (2)
Accidentally brushed my teeth with dog tooth paste. It tasted weird so I checked and sure enough it was poultry flavor. #ThatExplainsIt
Me to my roommate: "I left my coffee in the freezer" Roommate: "I left my bagel on the toilet paper"
Divorced design: Really Debra? Fucking orange?! I knew I left you for a reason.
2nd idea: home design show featuring a divorced couple as hosts
Idea: make the girls walk like an 1/8 of a mile for the first episode of the bachelor and just have awkward eye contact for like 20 minutes
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